I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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