I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
