it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
