no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
