Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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