Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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