i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
