His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
