lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
