they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
