I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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