Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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