im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
