well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
