dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
