It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
