so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
