so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
where are my eyebrows?
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