So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
