i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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