The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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