oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
