sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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