Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
