8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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