does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
