i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
