kristin has been a bad kristin
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
