she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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