dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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