Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
