I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
