I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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