i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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