im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
