It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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