I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
