Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
