half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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