It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize