ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
