so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
