she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
