Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
