the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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