Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
