I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
