i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
