Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
ok first of all what the fuck
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
