you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize