I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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