now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
