Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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