So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
