Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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