She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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