Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize