'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
