you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
