Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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