Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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