I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize