do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
