Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Randomize
