I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize