I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
