Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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