Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize