just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
