A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I hope mine doesn't look like that
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
