You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
