I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
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