After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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