So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Randomize
