I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
