Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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