Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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