You're a womanizer and a bitch.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
