Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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