is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
