Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
