Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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