whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
