her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize