can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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