I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
