PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
