My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
