My liver just broke up with me...
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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